If Dogs Curled: The Bonspiel Would Never End
Picture it: the roar of the crowd (okay, a small league night audience), the scent of fresh pebble on the ice, and four dogs standing proudly on the hack — tails wagging, tongues out, ready to take on the world.
Welcome to the most chaotic, adorable, and delightfully unproductive bonspiel in history: The Canine Curling Classic.
Because if dogs curled, the sport would never end… but it would be way more fun.
🐕 The Labrador: The Over-Eager Lead
Every bonspiel has that one player who shows up way too early, sweeping with unmatched enthusiasm and knocking over everything in sight. That’s your Labrador.
Labs would be incredible leads — always positive, always ready to play, and absolutely terrible at staying still during delivery. They’d chase every rock down the ice yelling (okay, barking) encouragement the whole way.
Would they accidentally slide too far past the hog line? Every. Single. Time.
Would we love them for it? Also yes.
Related reading: The Goodest Boys on the Ice: Why Curlers and Dogs Are Basically the Same Species
🐩 The Poodle: The Vice Skip with Style
Some curlers call the shots. Some command attention.
The Poodle isn’t just here to play — they’re here to win and look fabulous doing it. Perfectly groomed before every draw, they’d spend the pre-game practice sniffing the ice for optimal conditions (and compliments).
They’d also insist on color-coordinated team shirts — something from our funny and amazing curling merch, of course. Because when you’re this fabulous, branding matters.
🐕🦺 The German Shepherd: The Strategic Skip
No nonsense. All focus. The German Shepherd skip runs the team like a well-oiled machine.
They’re the first to analyze the angles, the last to leave the ice, and the one who knows exactly where every rock should end up. If anyone disagrees with the call, they’ll get the stare — the one that says, “We’re throwing the draw. End of discussion.”
And when the team finally nails that perfect end? The Shepherd’s tail wag will be subtle but proud — the curling equivalent of a championship bark.
🐶 The Bulldog: The Relentless Sweeper
Compact. Determined. Absolutely unstoppable once in motion.
The Bulldog’s sweeping form isn’t elegant, but it’s effective. When they get going, not even the slickest pebble can slow them down. They might grumble between ends and nap during timeouts, but when it’s time to perform — they’re all in.
If anyone ever needed proof that grit beats grace, just watch a Bulldog sweep. They’d put every human to shame.
🐾 The Golden Retriever: The Bonspiel MVP
Not necessarily for their curling skills, but for their pure joy.
Golden Retrievers would be the life of the warm room — congratulating both teams, fetching stray brooms, and comforting anyone who burned a stone. They’d never remember the score, but they’d remember your name (and your snack supply).
Every bonspiel needs a Golden. They’re the reason the afterparty lasts until 2 a.m.
🧊 The Bonspiel Would Never End
Sure, the game would take forever. Between the chasing, the barking, and the occasional mid-game nap, you’d be lucky to finish an end before snack time.
But imagine the camaraderie. The laughter. The pure, tail-wagging chaos of a dog curling league.
No one would care who won — only that everyone got treats afterward. And that, my friends, is the true spirit of curling.
🐾 Get Your “Goodest Boy on Ice” Gear
Because let’s face it — if dogs ever joined your team, they’d need uniforms too.
Celebrate your inner curling canine with our newest Threadless drop: Funny curling shirts and curling merch for curlers who love humor, dogs, and bonspiel chaos.
Whether you sweep like a Bulldog or skip like a Shepherd, we’ve got your back (and your bark).
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