Every Shirt You Buy = More Time on the Ice (a.k.a. Funding Our Curling Habit)
Let’s be real for a second. Every time you buy one of our funny curling shirts, you’re not fueling a massive corporate empire with slick headquarters, catered lunches, and corporate retreats in Maui. Nope. You’re fueling something way more dangerous: our curling addiction.
That’s right — each shirt sold equals more ice time for us. And ice time is basically curling crack. We’re not ashamed (okay, we’re a little ashamed). But let’s call this what it is: a group of goofy curlers trying to hustle just enough merch to stay on the ice with our friends and maybe sneak into an extra bonspiel or two.
Ice Time > Everything
Why do we need your support? Because curling ice isn’t free. It’s not like ponds magically freeze in perfect sheets, complete with hacks, houses, and a functioning bar (we checked). Ice time costs real money, and that money has to come from somewhere.
So, instead of selling our plasma or starting a questionable OnlyFans called “Sweeping Slow-Mo,” we started selling curling merch. And the beauty of it is that you get something hilarious to wear — a shirt that says Skip Happens or Guard Duty — while we get to yell “Hurry hard!” a few more nights a week.
The Real Math
- You buy a shirt → we get ice time.
- We get ice time → we make ridiculous curling team names.
- Ridiculous team names → bonspiel glory.
- Bonspiel glory → stories you’ll hear at the club bar for the next decade.
It’s basically a closed-loop recycling program, but instead of aluminum cans, it’s just us recycling inside jokes until the end of time.
Join Us in Our Bonspiel Dreams
Look, we’re not greedy. We’re just curlers with questionable delivery technique, an unhealthy obsession with team uniforms, and a desire to hang out with our friends as much as possible. If you want to help, pick up one of our funny curling shirts. Trust us, they’re better than the free beer league T-shirts you’ve been hoarding since 2011.
Need more convincing? Check out some of our other posts that really capture the chaos of curling culture:
- When You Realize Curling Is the Only Sport Where Yelling Helps
- Trash Pandas On Ice: Curling’s Funniest (and Fuzziest) New Collection
- Back-to-Sweeping: Why Early Season Means Curling Gear, Team Merch, and Meme-Level Swagger
Still Not Sure?
That’s okay. But if you’ve ever curled, you know the sheer joy of throwing a perfect draw into the house and then immediately ruining it by sweeping too late. Or of watching Olympic curling and thinking, I could do that if I just had more ice time.
Speaking of which, here’s where you can spiral deeper into curling obsession:
- World Curling Federation (for when you want to feel small)
- Olympic Curling Highlights (to remind yourself that pros never miss the broom)
- Your Local Curling Club Directory (because yes, you too can join the cult)
At the end of the day, your purchase isn’t about fashion. It’s about friendship, laughter, and keeping us out of the dangerous world of unsupervised free time.
So snag a shirt, fund our ice habit, and join us in the house. After all, the more we curl, the funnier the shirts get.